


Sadistic Love

by magnificent_catastrophe



Series: The Fox and the Cat [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Gore, Graphic Description, M/M, Multi, Out of Character, Porn With Plot, Rape/Non-con Elements
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-09-10
Updated: 2015-11-25
Packaged: 2018-04-20 04:13:41
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Rape/Non-Con, Underage
Chapters: 13
Words: 14,187
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4773071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/magnificent_catastrophe/pseuds/magnificent_catastrophe
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Naruto is about to become a college student, but before he does that, he wants to give up his cat-and-mouse love relationship with Sasuke so he can be a better man. But will he be able to? Or is he forever stuck in their relationship of sadism and masochism?</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Enter Mouse

**Author's Note:**

> This is taken from my Fanfiction and Y!Gallery accounts. I actually made this during a dark part in my life. So please bare with me for this insane and graphic ride.

My name is Uzumaki Naruto. I'm about to be a Freshman in College. I passed the entrance exam to both Osaka and Kyoto University but I chose to go to the escalator system college because I'd rather be lazy in school. All my life I was always in Class D, 1-D, 2-D, and 3-D. My three years of High School were spent three classes away from my crush, who was always in Class A. At least I ended up on the Top 50 a few times in my high school life, so I wasn't a complete idiot, unlike my best friend: Inuzuka Kiba. Who was Class-F his entire high school life. I have smart friends, too, like Nara Shikamaru (whom I call Shika-chan out of habit), who always ranks 1 on the Top 50 and has always been in Class A with my crush.  
My crush is also my rival. We've had this love-hate relationship for years. We'd be friends one moment, enemies the next.   
Lately, I've been getting tired of this never-ending pattern. I want something more stable. But I guess I can't expect that out of an Uchiha.  
Yes, my crush is Uchiha Sasuke and he's the biggest asshole I've ever known, but I suppose it's our naturally clashing personalities that lure me to him. He's a snobby rich boy with both of his parents and an older brother named Itachi. I'm a friendly poor boy with deceased parents, a cousin named Karin, and an older brother (whom is my rightful guardian) named Kurama. We also have a pet fox with genetic mutation. By genetic mutation, I mean he has eight extra tails and because of his nine tails, we named him Kyuubi. It's a small family, but a family none-the-less.  
I just wish Sasuke wasn't such an insufferable know-it-all.  
Anyways, I guess my days of worrying are over. He got accepted into Tokyo University and is going there this upcoming fall semester. He's going into business to become an asset to the company his brother will take over.  
I'm going in on the escalator system to become a medical professional. So far I'm only headed for RN, but maybe I'll be something more... just maybe.  
  
"Earth to Naruto!"  
I blink and look up at Kiba as I realized I had spaced out at lunch again. Lately, my mind's been wandering to this cat and mouse game Sasuke has us playing. I'm endlessly chasing him and he seems to like the advances but then he turns cold shoulder at the last second. I sigh and grab my tray, emptying it and taking it up before walking off toward the library. This was third lunch, where all third year seniors attended and Sasuke was always in the library, reading a book or studying for a class. I admired him for his dedication.  
I spot Sasuke right away and swallow down the bile rising in my throat. I need to sever the ties that keep us together before the end of the school year, or else I'll never move on. I enter the library and suddenly feel a chill. I look around and see the eyes of the Sasuke fanclub on me. He smirks and challenges me to face him with his club there. I can't. I turn and walk right out, heading toward the bathroom to heave my lunch. I don't have the courage.  
I enter the bathroom and just wash my face instead of purging, since the nervousness subsided. I grab a towel and dry off my face when the door opens. I look up to see, well, Sasuke. Of course. He had to follow me. I stare at him wide-eyed before glaring.  
"Teme, what are you doing stalking me?" I growl out.  
"I wasn't stalking you. I had to relieve myself. Is that some kind of crime now, dobe?" Sasuke smirks, cocky.  
I hate this guy, but I can't stop loving him.  
"Whatever, you asshole," I look to the side and before I know it, I'm pinned on to a wall inside a bathroom stall that's been shut and locked... and Sasuke's the one pinning me.  
"Don't let your guard down, baka." His voice is so seductive it pisses me off... but it also turns me on.  
"St-Stop. I'm tired of this cat and mouse game!"  
He merely smirks and begins his process. He kisses my neck, nibbling here and there as I feel his hands slide down and push up my shirt. I feel his kisses over my neck turn into hickeys as they burn my skin from my jaw to my collar bone on each side. It feels like his etching his name into my skin, forever claiming me as his.  
He unbuttons his pants and I know what's coming next. He shoves me down and presses his penis into my mouth. I've gotten used to this. I suck and lick and give him what he wants. He finishes, ejaculating all over my face before getting up, fixing himself, and leaving. I just slump, feeling used as always.  
Why can't I reach his heart?  
I stand and go back to rewash my face and get the semen out of my hair. He's such a secret pig.  
A smile graces my lips. I like the way he treats me so roughly.  
"I'm such a masochist," I whisper to nobody.  
I am. I'm a masochist and I love the way he treats me with no respect, no dignity. He strips away my manliness piece by piece and even though I say I hate, I actually don't... and I think he knows that.  
He's a sadist so I guess it works.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! Let me know how I've done.
> 
> -Nova


	2. Late Night Promenade

Many things are fleeting. Relationships are a great example of what I mean. Not many relationships make it past the first month. The first month is the trial period. If you make it past a year, you're doing alright; 5 years is okay; 10 years is well; 20 years is great; 50 years is excellent; 65+ years is eternal damnation.

Sasuke and I are in the OKAY area.

Though... I wouldn't call what we have a relationship, because technically he's dating Sakura. I hate it, but he does it to torture me.

Everyone assumes he's straight, but's he a man whore. He loves men and I know it, because every night he comes crawling back to me... or vice versa. Either way, we have our fun and nobody knows except Kiba, my best friend.

It's a sick game Sasuke and I have.

A sick game that I'm in love with. I chase him down, he pins me, and we do the do. Then he gets bored and walks away and I have to chase him down again. It makes life interesting, but I wonder if he'd ever finally come out and claim me as his in an actual relationship.

We've held this secret one for 5 years, ever since middle school.

I'm sick of it, but at the same time I crave more of it.

I'm twisting on the inside and becoming slowly demented, and I have no one to blame but myself and that bastard.

I love him too much.

 

I sigh as I wait for Sasuke to return from the bathroom. I'm counting the number of specks I can find in the stucco ceiling. I hear a flush and then the sink and he's finally out.

"Alright. Clothes off."

So demanding. It turns me on and I comply, standing completely nude before him. I'm his slut. His good fuck that he goes to every single time.

"Well it looks like you've gotten bigger," he smirks and I feel my face heating up. It's true that my genitalia have grown quite a bit, but not THAT much. But he's an Uchiha and Uchiha's notice everything. That's why we're having sex under my roof while Kurama, my older brother, is away for the weekend. Karin's busy with Suigetsu and Juugo, so she's out; tonight was the perfect night.

I assume the position he wants me in, on the bed. I'm on my back with my legs spread for him to look me over with predatorial eyes. He licks up my neck as he takes out the lubrication and slicks a single finger and presses it into me.

I jolt, not used to preparation, even if it's minimal. He slicks himself up before pressing in, and my hands fist the bed. I love this too much, I even wish he'd be rougher with me.

With every thrust of his hips, I feel that much more alive. I moan out his name as he presses into my prostate. It feels good and I can't help but cling to him.

Before I know it, it's over and we're curled into each other. He's holding me and it feels nice.

I know he's sleeping, his breath is too even.

I tilt my head up slightly and look up at the Uchiha. His lovely raven hair cascades into his face like a perfect veil that masks his face in a late night promenade.

I was never poetic until I fell for this jackass.

I'm learning the right words and jotting them down in my spiral notebooks. Everyday's a poem to me.

Everyday's a chapter in my love story. But the ending won't be a happy one.

I know he'll grow tired one day. I dread that day.

I sigh myself to sleep and awake to an empty bed.

 

I sit up and smell toast and eggs, so I decide to stroll downstairs. Karin's there, cooking breakfast. She's not the best cook, but I'll take it. It's her 'rightful motherly duties', even though she's not my mom.

My mom was her aunt. We both miss my mom.

"Karin, when'd you come in?" I ask with a yawn.

"Around the time Sasuke-kun snuck out," she smirks.

She knows all about Sasuke and I and she loves the fact that he's having an affair with me behind Sakura's back. She never liked Sakura much. She loves it more that she has blackmail to hold over my head because Kurama doesn’t know anything.

I roll my eyes and sit at the table. "Well that must have been a couple hours ago."

"Yeah, I woke up early so Juugo dropped me off," Karin shrugs and sets a plate of egg on toast in front of me. "Eat up. I was gonna make pancakes, but we're out of milk."

"Are we? I swore aniki bought more before he left," I wonder aloud.

"Nope. Jeez, itoko, you're such a space cadet sometimes," Karin rolls her eyes and carries on her merry way.

Can you blame me for being a space cadet? My life is a big, sadistic love story that pleasures Sasuke until he's bored with me, then it because a sad, unrequited love story until I die. I'm not "depressed" or anything, but the feelings of regret linger in there somewhere.

I don't know what I'm doing with my life, all I know is that I want Sasuke to love me.

I guess he needs to break up with Sakura first before that could EVER happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aniki is the Japanese term for "older/elder brother" while "itoko" is the Japanese term for "cousin (male)".  
> Thank you for reading the second chapter.
> 
> -Nova


	3. Lockdown

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Haruno Sakura, Sasuke's now ex, finds out that Naruto has been with "her man" all this time. She chases him down and he ends up locked inside the boys' bathroom where he meets Gaara, Sasuke, and Suigetsu. Inside the locked bathroom, the three rape and torture the poor boy and leave him in a messed state. Feeling a brand new low in his self-esteem, Naruto feels that he is broken. Feels that he has shamed his parents. His friend Kiba helps him out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: This chapter is really gruesome and includes rape and untraditional fetishes (some of which can be seen as gross and erotic). Do not like, please read the chapter summary to find out what happens in this chapter.  
> Fetishes include: docking, sounding, and watersports/golden showers.

My life is in turmoil. Sakura, somehow, found out about Sasuke and I and now she's going to kill me.

I'm sure this is how my life will end.

 

I'm running through the halls at high velocity as one Haruno Sakura chased me down. It was hunting season and Uzumaki Naruto was on the 'kill' list. I was for dinner.

"NARUTO!!! HOW DARE YOU TRY TO STEAL MY SASUKE!!!"

Try? Bitch, he's all over me... and vice versa. I don't DARE say this aloud. I run into the nearby men's room and lock the door. She pounds her fist on the door.

"You have to come out some time!"

"And you have to leave some time!" I retort. She kicks the door in frustration.

I turn around to face the peers that were now locked in the bathroom with me. The ingredients of this lockdown include: one Hozuki Suigetsu, one Sunano Gaara, and one Uchiha Sasuke.

This is only gonna get uglier.

"Look who we have here," Sasuke smirks and lifts my chin up to meet his eyes. He's smirking. "Uzumaki. You know, you're the very reason Sakura and I broke up. I should... thank you for that. You two want to help me 'thank' Naruto, here?"

Gaara was an evil, sadistic bastard and agreed with an evil smirk. Suigetsu was Sasuke's flunkie so of course he agreed.

Before I know it, I'm pinned to the bathroom wall, Sasuke's hand pulling off my clothes. I struggle, mainly because I don't want the other two to touch me. Only Sasuke, but Sasuke isn't going to have that.

He tightens his grip and flips me around, pressing his erection into my ass. Damn that hurts like hell. He presses all the way in and starts moving immediately. I yelp in pain, but he silences it with a kiss.

I'm getting used to Sasuke inside me when I feel another erection enter my anus. The stretching and ripping of my muscles causes me to bleed a little. They're both moving in me and it hurts. It feels like chaos in my backyard.

That's when a third erection decided to pry its way in as well. My eyes widen and I'm screaming out, but Sasuke's silencing those screams with his tongue. Tears rolled down my face as my anal muscles rip more and blood starts leaking on to their penises. It hurts too much.

I shudder as they all pound into me, not giving my any reprieve.

Sasuke's lips leave mine and I'm begging now. "Please. Please stop it! It hurts!"

They ignore me and press into my harder.

Suddenly, one of them pulls out and I'm pried away from the wall as the other two continually pound in and abuse my backside. The one that pulled out is now facing me and I can tell by the red blur that it's Sunano Gaara. He looks down at my own penis as I regrettably moan when Sasuke hits my prostate.

Gaara starts pressing his penis into my own. I scream in pain as he enters the urethra. Once he's fully inside, he begins moving and it's painful. His entire penis is inside my urethra.

Suigetsu finds my prostate as well and soon both him and Sasuke are pounding into my prostate. I moan out as Gaara begins to pound into my urethra, the tip of my penis bleeding from where it was forced open.

Pain and pleasure melt into one as I become a sweating mass of moans. Soon, it ends. Sasuke and Suigetsu both grunt as the release inside of me, the semen mixing with my blood as some of it falls to the floor when they pull out. Gaara grunts and pulls out after ejaculating into urinary tract, blood mixing with mine and Gaara's semen both as I ejaculate both out of my system. They drop me and I fall to the floor, sweaty and covered in cum.

The cum of three different men, one of which is my sadistic lover.

I curl into a ball under the sinks as Sasuke and Suigetsu clothe themselves and leave. Gaara stops and decides to piss on my face before clothing himself and leaving.

I'm bruised, I feel broken, and I'm covered in seminal fluid, my own blood, and urine. I stay like this until Kiba finds me like this afterschool.

He's appalled and takes me directly to the hospital after cleaning me up. I don't want Sasuke to get in trouble so I tell him to clean it all out for me.

He's a true friend.

He complies and gets me cleaned up before I go to the hospital.

 

I don't know what I've become, but if Sasuke ever wanted to do that again, I'd comply. I love the sweet bitterness of torture. Sexual torture. It fills my masochistic lust for Sasuke.

Only Sasuke. My parents must be ashamed in heaven…

I’m sorry your son is so broken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the weirdness of this chapter. I don't know if it gets weirder, but I know it gets worse. Please bear with me as you read this story. Thank you.
> 
> -Nova


	4. A Testament of Power

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Are all Uchihas like this? Do they all crave power?  
> As rumors circulate about the incident in the boys' bathroom, Naruto has been branded a slut. People say that Sasuke was raped or that Suigetsu or Gaara were. But the truth of the matter was, Naruto was the one that was hurt. The one that was truly raped.  
> As if that's not bad enough, he's being teased and bullied at school for being a "slut". Things only go from bad to worse when Itachi makes an appearance to assert his dominance over his "little brother's possessions".  
> Sasuke's not so tolerant of having what's "his" dominated without his permission.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Chapter contains rape. See above chapter summary if you want to avoid reading rape.

Here I was hoping my slutty actions wouldn't be broadcasted across the entirety of Japan, but apparently having a four-way with an Uchiha and a Sunano is a big thing. Tossing in a Hozuki is just icing on the cream pie. If you catch my drift.

Golden showers and cream pies were the headline on everyone's gossip the next day at school. Karin was appalled and Kurama was wondering what happened.

Rumors spread like wildfire. It was rape. I was raped. Sasuke was raped. Suigetsu and Gaara were raped.

I was raped.

 

I keep trying to tell myself I wanted it, but in reality I only wanted Sasuke.

 

I was raped and I can't keep denying that. The man I love and two other subordinates raped me in the boy's bathroom at school. I have the stitches on my ass to prove it.

I'm basically a mute now. I talked some before, but I don't anymore. They ask questions, I shrug. I'm done talking. Talking hurts my throat anyway.

They want me to express myself, but what I really want to do is scream. Scream as loud as I can until my voice dies and I wither away. I want to scream and scream until Sasuke finally gets it. Gets that I love him and stops treating me like garbage.

But instead of screaming aloud, I scream on the inside. Scream so loud inside that it's tearing my fragile mind apart. Breaking it bit by bit, piece by piece.

Shattering it into nothingness.

 

I was raped and now I'm mute.

 

The bell rings for class to begin and already my head is on the desk as I try to squeeze in a few more hours of sleep. Nightmares don't bode well for sleeping, besides Kakashi-sensei won't be in for another 15 minutes.

I doze off and before I know it a book's ricocheting off the top of my head. I look up and see an angry Iruka-sensei. Wait? I thought this was English, not Math. I look at the time. I slept through English completely.

I'm a senior in high school and I'm in Class 3-D. The class for almost adequate teenagers that are riding into college on the escalator system. I may have had the opportunity to go to Osaka or Kyoto University, but I flagged it down to ride the escalator through life. Sasuke decided on Escalator, but he'll probably transfer within a year.

I'm going in for medical. Medical at an escalator college. I wonder how that'll go.

Class 3-D is filled with not-complete-morons-but-still-morons. I'm one of them. Just look at my love life.

I have high standards though, apparently.

 

As school ends and I walk out the school, I'm berated by my peers with spitballs, paper balls, trash, food, spit, shoves, and even a few golden showers (courtesy of the jocks). I'm drenched and sticky and I reek but I don't care anymore. I'm done with it all. I head out the double doors where Kiba's waiting for me and he looks so saddened.

Shikamaru and Chouji are next to him with saddened expressions as well. I move forward and grab a towel out of my backpack and set it on the seat in Kiba's car and get in. The other three follow suit.

"Hey Naru. Shika, Cho, and I are gonna go to the arcades. You're coming with," Kiba smirks and nods. I shake my head.

"Not in the mood. I'm just going to go shower and then sleep. Maybe I'll get lucky and become comatose..." I state dryly as they all give me sympathetic looks. It's the first time I've talked in a week.

"Naruto. It's not healthy to keep things bottled up, we're worried about you. Kurama thinks you're going to commit suicide," Chouji pipes in.

"Yeah and Karin says she wishes you'd open up more," Shikamaru puts in his two cents. Shikamaru was temporarily 'dating' Karin while he and Temari were on break.

I shrug and stare out the window. They drop me off at my house and I trudge in and take a bath immediately. I almost want to take a blade to my wrist and bleed to death or even drown in the bath, but I refrain. I'm all Kurama's got. With mom and dad gone, Kurama and I are all we have. Yeah, there's Karin, but she's just a cousin. Kurama's my older brother. We were born from the same parents. We're all we have left.

Once I'm all showered, I change into pajamas and crash in my bed. A nightmare ensues once more.

 

I wake up around 1 AM, the nightmare getting to me. I go downstairs and get a glass of water, drink it down, and head upstairs. I shut the door and look up and nearly scream.

There's an Uchiha on my bed.

And it's not Sasuke.

"I-Itachi! What are you doing here?" I ask, scared.

"Well, my brother seems to have gotten himself quite a reputation. And if you're good enough to risk a reputation over, then I had to see it for myself," the older brother smirked.

I shake my head.

Before I know it, his hand's on my mouth and I'm pinned to the wall. He grabs a small bandana out of his pocket and gags me before using my bedsheets to tie me down (after stripping me, of course). I struggle, but the knots are too tight.

I know where this is going.

He doesn't do anything. He just pulls down his pants and boxers enough to pull himself out, slips on a condom, and then presses into me. He's longer than his brother, but Sasuke's thicker.

He presses in and out of me and I cry and scream and beg for help.

But I'm powerless.

I zone out. It's all I can do. I don't want to be here and I don't want this to be happening.

Why is it happening? Where is Kami-sama in all this?! Where the fuck is he?!

Eventually he finishes after I release (much to my chagrin).

"You had three guys, I figure what's a fourth to a slut like you." He smirks and leaves out the window after untying me, leaving me a naked mess. I curl into my bedspread and cry silently and rather violently for an hour before putting my clothes back on.

Why does this happen to me?

I don't mind it with Sasuke. But the others. No. They need to stop.

I swear, I'm going to chop off the dick of the next guy who does this to me.

I'm going to.

 

The next day follows and after the day ends, I make my way through the halls. I'm stopped and suddenly dragged to the bathroom where I am pinned to the door on inside of the bathroom. I look up and see Sasuke's face. It looks hurt and angry and confused.

My eyes are wide. I try to speak but my throat is still paralyzed. I'm still mute.

He kisses me roughly and holds me to him tightly. Am I dreaming? If so, I don't ever want to wake up.

"I... I know what Itachi did to you. It's unforgivable. He knows not to touch what's mine unless I give permission to him or anyone else." His voice is venom.

Did he say I was his?

I find my voice. "Since... when have I been yours?"

"You're an idiot. Sakura was for appearances, shit-for-brains, but now it's out in the open, so I don't care," Sasuke kisses me roughly again.

"But you treat me like shit..." I mumble.

"You never stopped me and you know damn well you like it," he glares at me and I shiver. Before I know it he's kissing my neck and I'm sliding down the wall as we get into it.

 

I'm his and he's mine. Is that what we are? Are we finally each other’s? Or is this some testament? A cry for help? An act of rebellion against his brother? I don't know and I don't want to know.

I'm happy where I am right now.

I'll carry on merrily, pretending nothing's wrong when I feel like my brain's about to fall apart.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this chapter. Sorry for the darkness of it. This story was a manifestation of a really hard time in my life. I hope you all can forgive me.
> 
> -Nova


	5. Sleeping Cuts

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Sasuke shows a nice side for a split-second and then it disappears. He leaves Naruto in a tattered mess. Naruto, feeling depressed and stricken with grief, takes it out on his wrists. His attempts to off himself fail and he's left with scars and worse yet... he made people he cares about worry for him. Why is he so messed up?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WARNING: Contains graphic depictions of self-harm and attempted suicide. If you do not wish to read, please read the chapter summary.

I slump against the wall of my bedroom, thoughts filling and squirming around my ever-filled brain. I'm not the smartest person out there (in fact, I think Shikamaru  _is_ ), but I am a fairly poetic type.  
Before my poems would be filled with happiness and laughter.  
Now... now they're dark; like a yellow rose stained permanently black. Or a red rose that's withered away into nothing.  
I dig through my old poems in a nearby suitcase and read them aloud, per the request of my doting now-boyfriend, Sasuke Uchiha.  
"Yellow rays that shine my face, and the feeling of his loving grace. A poignant smell caress my nose, and graceful banter like a rose. He came to take my breath away; and now I'm here to forever stay."  
He snickers and I blush. "Very... frilly."  
"I was happier then..."  
He pauses and frowns. "You're not now...?"  
I give a sort of bitter laugh. "Let's just say I've adopted a darker personality to accommodate your sadism and my masochism."  
"So you're blaming me for your unhappiness?" He asks me skeptically.  
"I'm not gonna lie. Yes. I am. If you hadn't been so sadistic with me to begin with, I would have never became the masochist I am, I never would have felt despair or fell into depression. But blaming you's not gonna solve anything, so why voice it? I gotta solve my own problems." I look to the side.  
He growls and pins me to the floor. I look up at him, blue eyes shining with fear.  
He punches me in the cheek before ripping off our clothes and pressing into me very harshly. "Don't ever blame me for you fucked up behavior."  
I cry out and let the tears fall down. He's so cruel. Why do I love him so much? It hurts. I'm hurting.  
He presses in and out of me and dominates me, handling me as roughly as he can. He bruises my hips and causes my ass to bleed. It hurts so much. I hate it, but at the same time, I love it. He hurts me so and I endure it, beg for more. I want more. More of him, more of his sadistic love. I want it, crave it.  
I am a masochist after all.  
When he's done with my ass, he has me lick up the remaining semen on his penis before putting our clothes back on (after cleaning both of us off). He gets up and leaves as I stand up and limp toward my bed. I lay there and stare at the ceiling before hearing the door slam shut.  
I curl into a ball and just cry. I don't know what I'm doing wrong but I wish Sasuke would love me like a normal human being.  
After I get the tears out, I dig through my bedside drawer and pluck out a thin razor blade. I hold it in my fingers before etching deeply into my skin. Deep enough to scar, deep enough for me to possibly die.  
I do more damage by taking a lighter to the backs of my hands and just burning the flesh. I can smell it. The smell of burning, rotting flesh.  
I'm disgusting. Repulsive. I'm rotten to the core. I need a shower.  
I head toward the shower, strip down, and turn it on. Once it's warm enough, I step in and lay down, letting my blood flow down the drain. I start to feel lightheaded before passing out.  
  
I don't where I am or why I'm here, but all I see is darkness. There's no light, no sound. Just silence and pitch black. It's like a bittersweet nightmare.  
Is this death?  
Have I finally died?  
But... I don't wanna die just yet...  
Or do I? I'm unsure.  
I feel cold in this place.  
I don't... understand.  
Wait.  
I see something.  
I look up to see... a film reel?  
Memories of my life are flooding past me... but where is "me"? I don't see my body. Where is this place?  
My memories... they seem to be fading.  
Ah. I can hear something now.  
It's faint, but I can hear it.  
It's... almost inaudible.  
I can't make it out, but I know where it's coming from. I run towards the sound as it grows louder and louder until finally I hear it loud and clear. Someone is calling my name.  
"Naruto! Naruto, wake up! Don't die on me! I can't lose you, too."  
Too? Wait... I know this voice.  
If only I could see their face.  
"Hang in there, please!"  
"Naruto, you can't do this to us!"  
I know that voice, too.  
I think... I think I see a light. But... it's not the light I was expecting.  
  
I blink my eyes open and see a worried Kurama to my right with a paramedic next to him. Karin's sitting right beside him.  
Now I know why those voices were so familiar.  
I have an oxygen mask on my face. I must be having trouble breathing.  
"Naruto! Thank Kami you're awake!"  
Karin's worried. I messed up again.  
I made everyone worried.  
I can't do anything right.  
"I'm tired..." I barely whisper before the world goes dark again.  
“Naruto! Please stay awake!” I hear Kurama call out. I’m sorry, bro…. I just can’t. Living’s too much of a burden, but so is dying. So I think I’ll sleep… Goodnight, you two… I’ll see you when I wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Again, sorry for the chapter.  
> This entire story was created during a VERY DARK period of my life and the sequel to it was meant to be happier, so uhm... Yeah. Sorry.
> 
> -Nova


	6. Recovery

I feel warm... but in an uncomfortable way... like I’m on fire or something. And I can't breathe. Everything hurts and I feel like I'm suffocating.  
Weeks have passed by since I was in the hospital for self-mutilation. I was in one of those mental institutions.  
I think I’m still there. But I don't know. I can't see. Everything's so heavy...  
  
I open my eyes but see darkness. I was startled into my now awakened state. I'm confused and breathing heavily. Why can't I see?  
"Oh, you're awake."  
I feel something move across my eyes and light floods my vision. A rag had been over my eyes.  
"What's going on?"  
"You were sleeping. You're in pretty bad shape. You passed out while getting lunch a couple of days ago, when we investigated we found out you had an infection in the areas that you mutilated. We have you on antibiotics and pain medication. But you're daily counseling sessions will now be privatized instead of group because of your need medical attention."  
I nod. An infected wound. The irony.  
"How long have I been at this place...?" I ask suddenly.  
"Ever since your admission two months ago. Your brother and cousin visit every Wednesday and Saturday, during our visiting hours."  
I nod again. Two months. I don't remember being here that long. I might have gone automatic.  
"During these past two months... how have I... been?"  
The nurse lady laughs and looks at me. "We noticed you were experiencing automaticism."  
"Automaticism?"  
"Meaning that your mental state basically shuts down to block out any negativity. You do things automatically, but they're usually basic needs: eat, sleep, relieve yourself, etcetera. In group and private therapy, you never spoke. You just had a blank look on your face and we recognized that you weren't... there in a sense. You shut yourself down. I guess the infection woke you up."  
I had been blank for two month. That explains my lack of memory.  
"So during an automaticism.... is the hippocampus affected?"  
"In a way. In a case of automaticism, your brain records the events but it fails to process it as a memory in your hippocampus because its priority is set to 'survival' and basically disables any new memories from forming."  
That explains the memory (or lack thereof) issues I'm having.  
"Gotcha."  
I'm starting to realize, though... Sasuke should treat me better. I don't wanna go through this again and I don't want Kurama and Karin to go through this.  
I really hurt them. I don’t wanna hurt them anymore. My family's worth more than Sasuke... right?   
I'm right…. Right…?  
  
Another month later and I was finally released from the institution where I was being held..  
I'm back at school and everybody has pity in their eyes. What used to be hate and scorn was now pity and sympathy.  
I guess they found out that I was the "suicide kid".  
I still have some people glaring at me, but not near as much. I reach my locker and see Kiba trying to chip the word 'emo' off my locker. I'm used to the harassment. I put a hand on his shoulder and shake my head.  
He looks down.  
In a sense, I've moved on. But in another sense, I've also given up.  
I'm just so tired of this game of Cat and Mouse that I have going with Sasuke and it's driving me absolutely insane. I’m done being a Slave to a Master that doesn’t care.  
Because of my little... scrimmage (with myself), I am now on suicide watch. I have to speak to the school counselor every day and my normal therapist twice a week. I have to see my psychiatrist once a month to get a refill on my antidepressant they're shoving down my throat. I’ve become a basket case for the government.  
I scratch one of my whiskered cheeks and look at myself in the mirror nearby. My arms are bandaged and I look pale. I'm looking thinner than normal. My hair's also a paler blonde than it used to be, almost lifeless... like my now dead blue eyes. They used to shine a crystal blue color, now they're more like a bottomless sea blue. Into an abyss of nothingness where despair and hopelessness reign over my being.  
I'm pathetic and everyone at school knows that.  
I have to attend the school's church group every Monday afterschool. It's called the 'Saved Souls Society' or Triple S for short. They talk about how God has blessed them with life and how they found God after attempts of suicide. It's a suicide-reach group.  
There's just one problem with me being in a group like that... I don't believe in God. In Him. In the Almighty.  
I just don't.  
If He's real, then he's an asshole because he let my parents die. I wouldn't be this fucked up kid if I had parents.  
Kurama's an awesome brother, but... he's not mom. And he's not dad.  
After my first day of Triple S, I'm ready to skip town. We preached, we sang hymns, and we read the Leviticus.  
I don't want to read the Leviticus or the Exodus. I don't want to read Genesis, Deuteronomy, or Numbers. I don't want practice Psalms or pray to Him because to me, He doesn't exist.  
I walk out the school with my head down. I walk to and from school so it's no big deal if I stay afterschool or not; sometimes Kiba gives me rides but he didn't stay afterschool today.  
I'm about walk down the steps when I collide with someone running up them.  
"Ow!"  
I know that voice. I look up to see one Haruno Sakura.  
I quickly gather my things to stand up and leave. I don't want to talk to her.  
"Naruto...?"  
Shit.  
"Oh... uh... hey Sakura, how's it going?"  
She sneers at first before sighing and standing up. "Just fine. Since when were you such a..." She pauses looks down and sighs. "I'm sorry. For being so mean... I didn't know you were hurting so bad on the inside. Kiba told me what Sasuke does to you... I never knew he was that kind of man..."  
I blink. Well that was a surprise.  
"Why... did you believe him...?"  
"When you told me... I just thought... you wanted me to break up with him so you could have him... but then Kiba told me and Shikamaru confirmed... and I... I felt so bad... I'm so angry and confused..." She sighs again and then does the unthinkable. She hugs me.  
My eyes grow wide with surprise. "Sakura...?"  
"I'm so sorry... You have to end this relationship with him. It's hurting you. You already attempted suicide... the world's not better without you."  
I close my eyes and sigh, myself. "I know... but it's hard. Because a part of me really loves him but the other part is rational."  
"Naruto... you have my support to end it, but you can't have my support to stay with him. He's hurting you emotionally. And that emotional hurt is hurting you physically... I can't support that."  
"Thank you... Sakura... I'll figure something out."  
I walk down the steps after waving goodbye. On my way home, I stop dead in my tracks to find a sight I never wanted to see.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Things are getting slightly better. I have two endings to this. One was a very bad ending that took all my angst and what not I had and it ended the chapter in the next chapter with a grim and very bitter ending. Very bloody and violent.  
> But on here, I'm going to go forward with the better ending. It's a lot longer and a lot more chapters. :)  
> As always, thank you for reading.
> 
> -Nova


	7. Severance

I stop dead in my tracks to see a sight I never want to see.

Sasuke has another man in his arms.

And he is having a make out session with them.

 

My heart stops for a second as every little thing that happened between us floods my brain.

I look up and catch his eye. He stops and pulls up with a smirk.

"What's wrong, Naru?"

He is definitely fucking with my heart.

"Don't like what you see? Too bad. You'll continue to be mine and I'm about to add another to this relationship so deal with it. You've gotten boring. Trying to kill yourself. Really? How pathetic."

I leak out tears from my eyes as I stare at Sasuke. "What is wrong with you?! I'm tired of this game of cat and mouse you've got me in! We're gonna be freshman in college. Grow the fuck up already! This isn't a game!!"

I turn my head and walk away, hugging myself.

I need to be somewhere else before I do something stupid.

Like kill him and that boy toy he's with.

 

"Dude, what the hell happened?" One wide-eyed Kiba asks as he opens the door to find my face flooding with tears.

"That bastard keeps toying with my heart. I want to let him go but it hurts... hurts so much... I..." I stutter and weep as Kiba pulls me inside in an embrace. He shuts and locks the door behind me.

"That bastard! He doesn't make my best friend cry and get away with it!" He growls out.

I lean into Kiba and close my eyes. Hana enters the room and pouts; she knows what I'm going through, she's been there. Relationship troubles are part of today's youth culture. It's a sad and pathetic culture these days: people get into relationships too early in their life, get dumped in the most heartbreaking fashion, and then they usually end up bitter and alone.

"C'mon, Naru-chan~ Let's cheer you up," Hana smiles and they both drag me to the kitchen.

After a meal of two bowls of ramen, I'm feeling better. Friends always know how to cheer each other up. Kiba and I hide up in his room after waving goodnight to Hana. While up there, I call Kurama and tell him I'm staying the night at Kiba's.

"Dude, you gotta cut him loose. He's not good for you," Kiba states seriously as he brings out his old N64 and both of the Pokémon Stadiums.

"I... I know, it's just... kinda... hard... to do...." I whimper slightly as he pops in the second Pokémon Stadium and hands me a controller.

"Do it tomorrow. The sooner and faster it's done, the better and quicker the wound will heal," Kiba states as he sets it up to 9 tokens.

"Okay... I'll do it..."

 

At school the next day, I shove my backpack inside my locker and grab out my books for my first teacher of the day. We had 10 minutes between the teachers' rotations to grab books from our lockers for the next class that was taught in our homerooms.

"Hey Naru."

I look up to see Sasuke with his cocky smirk already in play. I take in a deep breath. I promised Kiba I would do this today. And I will.

"Yes, Uchiha-san?"

He looks taken aback. "What's up with the formality?"

"It was pretty clear yesterday that you have moved on from our relationship without notifying me, so I'm notifying you that it has ended. I am a free bird, as are you, Uchiha-san. And I'd prefer it for you to call me by my last name from now on. No more informalities between us..." I did it.

I severed our bond. I'm creating distance between us until we become total strangers.

It's for the best.

"What the hell?! Who said you got to decide that?!" He growls and pins me by my shoulders to the locker.

I exhale deeply and slap him across the face. "I did. I'm my own person. I don't belong to you anymore. You're horrible and cruel. Our game of cat and mouse... is over." I push him away, but gently so he wouldn't get hurt.

I walk away, leaving Sasuke with a dumbfounded look on his face. I slightly smirk and exhale in relief. That actually felt good… to have control.

I finally feel... free. I'm freed.

I don't have to be in such an abusive relationship anymore.

 

After school, I enter the bathroom before meeting Kiba in his car to go bowling. Sasuke's there.

I ignore him, take a leak, and then wash my hands. He grabs me by the hair and shoves me into the wall. He begins molesting my torso, but before he can go further, I knee him in the nuts.

"I don't roll that way anymore. After years of your abuse, I'm demanding to be a little more pampered than that. I want love and affection and romance! If you can't show me that, then I don't want you!" I state as I walk out, head held high.

I'm serious.

I'd give Sasuke another chance if he could show me that he loved me with affection and romance. If he could be a little sweet, a little kinder, I'd give him that second chance... and only because I still love him.

I'm a terrible person, but I won't go with Sasuke if he insists on being a pig to me.

I exit the school building and enter Kiba's car.

I'm not his slave anymore.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And thus begins Naruto's healing process. I can't guarantee this will be progressively happier, but I was in a better place and tried to get Naruto in a better place as well.  
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> -Nova


	8. Three Years Later

**~3 years later~**

 

It's been three years since my break up with Sasuke. I find I'm much happier. Sasuke was a huge part of my life, yes, but now he's not.

From what I heard, his boy toy took my place in the cat and mouse game he liked keeping up.

That's fine. He still has a chance to correct things with me, but he hasn't made the prerequisites and he hasn't tried to. So I guess that's all we ever were, an experiment in sadism and masochism.

Sasuke is power-hungry. He loves controlling whoever he's with. That's why he didn't like being with Sakura. She had a strong will and was able to fight back.

I eventually gained that strong will myself.

But, it happens.

I'm looking out for myself now.

 

"Hey Naruto, how's classes?" Kiba called me up. He had decided to take a year off from school and got a job right away.

"Good. Majoring in art was the best thing ever. I've even got a contract for my photography already. I take photos for Gothic Boutique!" I smile.

"Wow, you do like Gothic styles. What do they have you photo-shooting?"

"Their new line of Victorian Era apparel called 'Lolita Kavei'."

"Awesome."

I talked with Kiba for hours before hanging up and finishing my mural idea for the school's new mural.

I didn't know when but I woke up to a nudge in the side from my upper classmate, Deidara.

"Hey, Naruto. Did you pass out on the floor?"

I groaned and woke up. "Ah... yeah... I was working on my mural idea all night." I picked it up and showed Deidara, who whistled.

"Wow. I think you should be in a higher level class, your art's bangin’."

"Thanks. But it's nothing compared to Sai's," I sigh. Sai was truly an amazing artist; a prick, but good with drawing.

"True enough, but still bangin’ in its own aspect nonetheless."

I give a half-laugh and scratched the back of my head.

 

Sometime during the day I began drawing portraits of Sasuke. Even though I ended things, I can't help but still love him in my heart. I know he's no good for me, that's why I haven't went back, but I have to wonder... did he ever love me at all?

By the end of the day, I had completed 3 life-like portraits of my ex-lover.

"Who might that be, Naru-chan?"

I look at Sai and instantly feel worse. I hide my portraits and pack my things. I had spent all my time in the library today.

"None of your business, Sai. Now kindly remove yourself from my only walking path." I was formal with Sai because I disliked him. But he always insisted on calling me 'Naru-chan'... as if that helped matters at all.

"How about you show me?"

"How about I don't and you magically disappear." It was more of a statement on my part. I had become really sarcastic after my clean break with Sasuke (well… as clean as it could get).

"Silly Naru-chan, magic doesn't exist in this world," he smiles like the smug bastard he is.

I glare and the corners of my mouth twitch in an irritated grin. "Here's a thought, why don't you go jump off a cliff?"

"That would be most unpleasant on my part," he ponders.

"That's the point."

He frowns. "Naru-chan. Why do you hate me so?"

"Cause you're an asshole." I cut straight to the point, like ripping off a bandage.

"Ouch. Do you not want to spare my feelings?" He feigns a hurt expression.

"Not particularly." Another blunt blow.

"You're so cruel," he pouts.

"I don't care," I shrug and begin to climb over the table so I can escape his presence.

"Why so?"

I pause once I'm over the table and look back at him, giving him a cold stare - one so cold it could chill a person. "My business is my own. I don't care about yours so stop caring about mine so damn much and keep to your fuckin' self. I don't like you, so stop trying to get on my good side. It only pisses me off." Sai shivers.

I could be cold, I knew this. But my cold edge only ever came because it was learned from Sasuke.

I walk out of the library and head back to my dorm room.

Who does Sai think he is? Demanding shit of me like that? Talk about rude! I don't like him and I sure as hell don't trust him.

I enter my room and close the door, locking it behind me. I didn't have a roommate, which was nice. I toss my bag on the bed and grab clothes before setting them on the bed next to my bag. I enter my bathroom and shower.

As the hot water pours over my face and down my back, I begin to relax. I groan as my back muscles finally relax; sweet mother of mercy hot showers felt so fuckin' good. When I finish washing my hair and body, I turn the shower off and dry myself with a towl. I walk out of my room with a towel around my waist.

I pause when I notice the window open. But that's not all I see. My portraits of Sasuke are sprawled on the ground and the man depicted in those pictures is sitting on the ground looking at them.

I clear my throat and the Uchiha looks up at me.

"I'm sure this is illegal in several different ways. Mind explaining why you're here or how the hell you found me?" I ask monotonously.

Sasuke stood up and drew near me. I remained unphased on the outside, on the inside... I was going crazy. I could smell him and he smelled as good as he did back then and looked even better in the three years that had passed.

"Naruto... we need to talk."

I gulp. This... this can't be good.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I skipped some years, but not much really happens in those three years. At least not for Naruto.  
> This is the start of a changed Sasuke and part of that has to do with some experiences he's had in the past three years.  
> I'm sorry if it all seems choppy.  
> But know that Naruto's not going back easily and Kiba won't let him.
> 
> -Nova


	9. Emotional Ride

"Naruto... we need to talk."

The words 'we need to talk' never have positive connotations. We're not even together anymore and I'm worried. What could he possibly have to say to me after three years?

This isn't good. I'm being lured in by his scent alone; his looks aren't helping. I can't give into him anymore. Not again. I'm better now and I don't wanna go back to the way I was.

Depressed and suicidal.

I'm a happier Naruto.

Very happy.

 

"Naruto!"

I blink and realize I had spaced out.

"Yeah? I'm listening. What'd you come here to tell me? And what the hell was so important now that wasn't important three years ago?" I look at him with a bitter discord.

"I..." He looks down. "I want to ch-"

"Naru-chan!" For a second, I don't register whose voice it is, then a mop of black hair enters my room. Sasuke looks irritated and so do I. "Oh. I see you're naked and with a stranger. Is this a one-night stand?"

"HELL NO!! I'm not some cheap whore, you prick!" I growl and Sai waves his hands.

"I was kidding!"

"Sure you were."

Sasuke looks between the two of us.

"Ah! You are the guy that Naruto drew! My name is Sai Higurashi. Who might you be?" The bastard looks at him.

"Uchiha. Sasuke Uchiha," the raven-haired menace answers. Jeez. Are they buddies now?

Sai is silent for a long time before speaking again. "You seem like you'd have a bigger penis than Naruto's slightly-smaller-than-average one."

"WHAT IS WITH YOU AND MALE GENITALIA?!?!" I yelp, a blush crossing over my face. "AND YOU DON'T EVEN KNOW WHAT MINE LOOKS LIKE, YOU FUCKING ASS!!! NOW GET OUT!!" I shove him out the room and lock the door, which I had thought I locked earlier but apparently Sasuke unlocked.

I turn my gaze over to him. "Now why the hell are you here?!" I ask as I go and change into clothes. I had grown a bit since he last saw me, but he has seen me fully nude so I'm not opposed to getting into my pajamas in front of him.

Sasuke sighs as he does 'take two' of what he was trying to tell me earlier. "I want to change. You told me to change if I wanted you back, and I do... but I'm a sadistic asshole, so..." He drifts off.

"Admitting you're a sadistic ass is the first step at least," I say with a colder edge to my voice. I stare at him incredulously before shaking my head. "But what makes you think I want you back? It took you three goddamned years to come to the conclusion that you want me back? What? Did your boy toy not work out?"

He gets close to me and looks at me. "I know you want me back." He kisses me on the mouth.

For a moment, I forget how to breathe and my knees go weak. Get a grip! This guy treated you like shit for years, Naruto!

I step away and slap him across the face. He looks truly stunned.

"Get out." My voice is low and I'm trying not to cry.

"Naruto, I-"

"I said get out! Go before I call the fuckin' cops! I never wanna see you again! You tortured me for years and then I stand up for myself and you... you didn't even care! For three years! I gave up on you a long time ago... now just leave." I look away and he starts forward before jumping out the window and into the night. I shut and lock the window before curling into my bed and sobbing. Why did he have to come back? After all these years... what's the purpose of doing this to me?

I'm just some sick game to him.

 

I woke up with yawn and rubbed my eyes. I look to my left and blinked before realizing something was new... there were rose petals on my bed and they led a trail. I quickly threw on normal clothes and followed the trail of rose petals out of my dorm (locking it behind me). People are gazing at the trail and then at me as I quickly turn a corner and then another corner.

Finally, I make it to the college courtyard and freeze when I see a giant sculpture of me. My eye twitches as I tentatively walk forward to the card at my... its feet. I pick it up and read the contents.

'Turn around.'

I do as instructed and find a kneeling Sasuke holding a boquet of red roses out to me with a god-sexy smirk. Damn him.

I sigh and facepalm. "Sasuke... this is the most cliche thing you've ever done... what the hell? Where'd you even get the sculpture?"

"Well, we Uchihas are kind of wealthy," Sasuke begins. I look around and notice we're drawing too much attention. I blush and grab him, pulling him along. He drops the boquet because of the unexpected tugging of his arm.

Once we're someone more private, I look at him with a heated glare. "What's with the chivalrous act?! You were never romantic, so why now?"

He blinks and smirks again. "I was proving a point."

"What point?!"

"That you still want me."

I blush and glare at him again. "Like hell!"

"Didn't you say that if you ever saw my face again, you'd call the cops?"

"What? Yeah, but, I-" I screech. "Stop it! Why are you being like this?"

"Cause I made a mistake-"

"You did more than make a mistake, Sasuke! You broke my heart and didn't even try to make it better for three years, Sasuke! Three years... I waited for you, but you never came... I'm done waiting. I'm done with your bullshit..." I sigh as I look down, totally defeated.

"Naruto..." I look up and his eyes reflect my pain.

"No! That's not fair! You can't look hurt when I'm the one that's been in pain!" I shove him away from me.

He stumbles and falls on his ass, un-Uchiha like. He stands up and tries again with pleading eyes.

"Naruto... I never stopped thinking about you. When you ended things... I thought it was for good because you never stood up to me before. I tried to drown it out with other people, but... they weren't you. Nobody can replace you. I'm sorry that it took me so long to realize it, but I... I lo-"

"Don't say it! You never loved me! I'm just a game to you... that's all I ever was to you. But I loved you. Wholly and purely. And you took that love and abused it for your own selfish entertainment..." I pound his chest with my fists as he steps forward. He grabs a hold of my wrist and kisses me on the lips harshly, but... lovingly? Is that the word? No. No!

Tears escape my eyes and once again, I am consumed by him. I can't fight it anymore.... I can't fight how much I love him. It hurts, but it feels nice.

I hesitantly kiss him back.

"Naruto!"

I blink and step back. I look over to Kiba, who's panting heavily.

"Don't let him suck you in again!" My cheeks are glistening with tears and I don't know what to do. So I just silently weep. I fall to the floor and both Sasuke and Kiba flank my side.

What should I do?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay, so I worked on a side series that I never finished that explains Sasuke's changed behavior.  
> Essentially, Sasuke goes to America for three years to study abroad and in the slums of New York, learns how his behavior severely impacted Naruto. He regrets treating Naruto so badly and now you have a trying-to-be-reformed Sasuke.  
> Hope you liked the chapter and thanks for reading!
> 
> -Nova


	10. Constellations

I don't remember much of what happened.... but I remember I ran away.  
  
_"Naruto!"  
I blink and step back. I look over to Kiba, who's panting heavily.  
"Don't let him suck you in again!" My cheeks are glistening with tears and I don't know what to do. So I just silently weep. I fall to the floor and both Sasuke and Kiba flank my side.  
I sat in a huddled mess before standing up and wiping away my tears.  
"C'mon Naruto, let's get you away from this monster," Kiba began to lead me away. Sasuke caught my wrist.  
"I don't think so. You're not the boss of him; he's free to choose me if he pleases," Sasuke growled. It was like watching a dog and a cat fight…. Oh wait…  
"Fine then, Naruto. Tell him off."  
"Naruto, you know you want me back."  
"Naruto..."  
"Naruto."  
"Naruto!"  
"Naruto!!"  
I trembled and turned away from both before running away. I remember hearing Kiba say, "Nice job, ass munch. You made him run away!"  
To which Sasuke replied, "He wouldn't have run if you hadn't shown your ugly mug around here."  
I blocked out the rest and just ran as long and as far as I could._  
  
I sigh and look at the palms of my hand as I sit on a brick half-wall that was connected to the sidewalk I had previously been running on.  
I ran as fast and as hard as my legs could carry me. Having once been part of cross-country, I ran a good ways. I stopped running around the time that sundown came. It was now pitch black outside, save for the streetlights.  
I look around and sigh again. "Dammit Naruto..."  
I have no idea where I am. I just continued to run and run, until finally...  
"At least they won't find me here," I state as I look at the Night Sky. I had lied when I said Sasuke was never romantic. He just was RARELY romantic.  
As I look at the night sky, the stars twinkling about, I remember one of those times. We were still pretty new in our ‘relationship’, if it could even be called that…  
  
_Sasuke was being unusually sweet on me that day. I arrived to school with a mysterious bouquet of red roses in my locker (I knew who they were from because it had his special "signature" on the card). He was still fake-dating Sakura at the time._  
_I sniffed the roses and smiled happily as I read the cheesy poem he had incorporated: "These roses are red, your eyes are blue; What would I do, if I ever lost you?"_  
 _I giggled. He must have blushed so hard when writing that. He's so detrimental most times that it's nice to see him being favorable for once._  
 _As I passed him in the hall that morning, I averted his gaze, cause I knew I'd blush. He secretly slid a note into my jacket pocket and I turned the corner before taking it out and reading the contents._  
 _"Meet me at Shintori Park tonight at 20:00."_  
 _How romantic. I smiled and flitted through the day. When 20:00 rolled around, I made my way to the park and sat on 'our' bench. I had carved "S + N" inside of a heart into the wooden bench. It was an old style park and I loved it. Sasuke had scorned me for carving our initials into. I waited and at about 20:05, Sasuke came up to me._  
 _"H-Hey Sasuke-kun," I blushed profusely as I stared at this handsome man before me._  
 _"Come." Just a simple command, but I obeyed. I followed him to a small hill where a blanket and small picnic basket were set up. It was a summer night, so it's not like it was cold outside or anything._  
 _I sat on the blanket and he sat next to me. We looked up and just stargazed._  
 _"What do you see?" He asked._  
 _"I see.... the Archer... the Big Dipper and the Little Dipper... uhm... that could be Sirius, the star that represents your birth month...." I wasn't too into astronomy or astrology like Sasuke was._  
 _He chuckled and I blushed. "You're learning. Over there is the Canis Major and over there is the Canis Minor." He pulled me close and pulled out his star map. I tried to focus, but I couldn't help but think about how nice it felt to be in his arms. "Hey, baka, you listening?"_  
 _"Ah! Yeah! That one's Canis Major and that one's Canis Minor!" I pointed them out and he sighed._  
 _"I said more than just that..."_  
 _"Ah... I'm sorry..." I blushed more._  
 _He pulled me close and kissed the top of my head. We remained cuddled for hours until I fell asleep on his chest. I awoke in my own bed with a card on my nightstand. It read: "I hope you had a great night." And it had Sasuke's 'signature'. I smiled._  
 _So it wasn't a dream._  
  
I smile and exhale, breath coming out white. It was winter now and that summer night had been from long ago. More than five years ago. A blush tinges my face. I shiver, having forgotten my jacket this morning and dressed in pants and a tank top. Suddenly... I feel a jacket fold around me as I'm pulled into a body of warmth. I look up and see...  
Well... I'm stunned at who I  **do**  see. It isn't Sasuke and it isn't Kiba.  
It's Sai.  
"Sai...?"  
"I heard that when two bodies are close together, the colder one absorbs the warmer one's heat."  
"That's... correct..." Not romantic... wait, why did I want that to be romantic?! Because of the gesture? Geez I'm hopeless.  
"You're Sasuke friend has connections. He found out my phone number and asked me to take you back to the dorm should I find you, and lucky me I did. I wonder if I'll gain a reward," Sai smiles and I grimace.  
"Is that all you ever think about? Monetary gain?" I sigh.  
"Not necessarily monetary. I should like to draw both of you in the nude in a most beautiful position."  
I blush and look away. "Not happening!"  
"Ah, I know you are shy, but it is truly for art. And both of you have truly beautiful bodies to look at. It would be a great honor to draw the both of you," He smiles.  
I give a single laugh and a slightly-defeated smile. As much as I have tried to hate Sai, there's just no way. He's too much of a kind guy…. Sometimes….  
"You're a hard person to hate, Sai," I look down.  
"I am? I thought I was rather easy to hate since you never give me the time of day," Sai pointed out.  
"I was trying too hard to hate you... but I think that's because you and Sasuke share like features.... I hated you because your features reminded me of him..."  
"You two were an item," He states with an epiphany.  
"Yeah... and after three years, he wants to get together again, but I'm not sure how I feel about that..." I look up at the constellations again. I can see Sirius shining brightly in the sky.  
"Then don't think or feel... let your dreams guide you," Sai states in poetic manner.  
"Yeah..." I stand and hand him back his jacket. "Let's head back to the dorm... do you know how to get there, because I have no idea where I am."  
Sai chuckles and nods. Soon, we're back at the dormitory. I ignore both the dog and cat yelping at me asking where I've been and just head to my dorm room, clearing my mind. I'm not thinking. I'm not feeling.  
I'm just gonna dream.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Having studied astrology for an entire semester, I kinda know a thing or two about astrology. Sorry for incorporating my interests into the story. ;u; I hope it's not too boring.  
> Thank you for reading.
> 
> -Nova


	11. Accident

You know Edgar Allen Poe's poem "The Raven"? That was the equivalency of the dream I had. It was fucked up beyond belief. Kiba was there. Sai was there. Sasuke was there. Even my brother, Kurama, was there.

It was fucked up.

I ended up killing everyone because I was indecisive (or feeling betrayed, really either or). That is the last time I listen to Sai when he gives advice. I didn't think. I didn't listen to my heart. I didn't feel. I just dreamt. And the result?

A bloody, fuckin' nightmare.

I lay in bed, the time reading 3:00. Since I go by 24-hour clock... that means it’s three in the morning. I sigh and as my eyes just stay alert to the world around me.

I had woken with a yelp, drenched in sweat, and panting heavily.

I shiver and turn on my side. I never expected my life to end up coming to such a difficult decision. I had cut Sasuke from my life, but... now he's filling out my requirements...

I'm scared though. What if he reverts back to his old self if I take him back? What if I can't escape him next time? I really don't wanna deal with that...

But... on the other hand...

What if he really has changed? What if he's really this romantic gentleman now and I could be happy with him forever? What if I never wanted to leave his side because of this change?

I groan at the thoughts buzzing in my head and hide my head under my pillow, as if to suffocate the incessant noise within my skull.

 

I open my eyes again and look at the clock. 7:00. It's morning and I've had four more hours of sleep. I wish I could sleep in again like I did back then.

But back then, I slept in all the time because I had no energy. I was lethargic and didn't care to wake up. I had no will to live so I often slept for hours on end, sometimes days...

That was not a healthy Naruto. Not at all.

But now... I'm an insomniac. I traded lethargy for insomnia. I'm lucky to get more than two hours of sleep a night. Last night was a lucky night; though I awoke in the middle of my sleep, I had gotten a total of eight hours of sleep. Very lucky indeed.

I slowly creep out of bed and get day clothes on as I lazily take care of my hygiene.

It's around 2 when classes end. I creep to the lunchroom, feeling lethargic due to the insomnia from last night. Insomnia brought on by stupid advice from a moron. Never again.

I eat lunch and avoid any paths that lead outside. Kiba and Sasuke aren't allowed on the campus because they don't attend this school, so they'd be prowling around outside in wait for me. No.

Not dealing with that. I know I'm running away from my problems, but I don't want to deal with them right now, mainly because I haven't decided my course in life.

Kiba's always been there for me, he's my brother. Even when he started dating Hinata, he still made time for me. Sasuke... Sasuke's basically my life partner. I love him so much, but I can't let myself be fooled by his parlor tricks.

I'm just so lost on what to do. I don't want Kiba to feel like I kicked him in the balls, but if Sasuke really has changed for the better, I don't wanna basically neuter him.

What the fuck is going on with my life?

"Naru-chan~"

Oh god. I turn around and come face-to-face with the cat-like asshole named Sai.

"What?" My tone comes off grotesque and kind of insulting. He pouts.

"How was your dream?" He asks a moment later.

"A bloody nightmare shit-piled upon fucked up hyper-realism. Never again will I heed your advice, Sai," I state bluntly and he pouts again.

"Well, I was just trying to help. It usually works for me, but I guess it's not for everyone. Let's go to a spa so you can clear your head!" He promptly grabs my arm and drags me outside.

"No! They're waiting, like animals!"

And sure enough, the moment we walk outside, I'm in a three-way tug-o-war.

"No! Naru-chan needs to come with me to clear his head!"

"Don't call him Naru-chan. He's my lover!"

"Bullshit! You tormented him for years. He's my best friend!"

This goes on for an unprecedented amount of time, before I finally snap.

"STOP IT!!! And gimme my limbs back!" I snatch back both of my arms and one of my legs. "Kiba, I love you like a brother and I value your input. But it **is** ultimately my choice to make, not yours." Kiba nods in understanding and backs up. "Sasuke. You were an ass to me for years and you expect me to forgive you and believe you've changed after not contacting me for three years? I don't buy that. I'm gonna have to see more proof!" Sasuke sighs and nods, he looks to me to say something, but I hold my hand up. "Not finished." I turn to Sai. "Sai... get lost. I don't really like you and I don't care what happens with our relationship." Sai looks taken aback, hangs his head, and walks away. I turn back to my best friend and ex-boyfriend.

"Look... Naru. I'm just tryna look out for you; but I understand, it's ultimately up to you. If you need me, you know where I am," Kiba states and walks away. I nod my head in thanks to him before giving Sasuke my undivided attention.

"I know... I wasn't the best boyfriend back then. And I'm not now nor will I ever be. But... I realized I was merely taking my stress with my home life out on you and that wasn't fair to you. I really do love you, Naruto. I'll do anything to get you back. Even if we have to remain friends, or even just acquaintances, for years before you can trust me again. The last thing I want is for you to feel pressured into this. I don't want you to run away again. I'm sorry," Sasuke steps forward, kisses my cheek, then leaves. "And please, don't feel like you have to change your mind because I've, as you put it, 'seemingly turned around'. I deserve to be speculated."

I sigh out and shove my hands in my pockets before walking off-campus to go anywhere that didn't have this drama bullshit. My life is full of it, and it's a bit sickening most of the time. I just want to relax in life.

As I step off the curb and cross the street, I hear the scariest thing ever. Well... two of the scariest things ever. The first was my name shouted in utter terror at the top of one Sasuke Uchiha's lungs.... the other was the sound of wheels screeching to stop in time. I look up to see a car and instead of jumping out of the way, like a normal person, I freeze in my spot.

In just a few seconds, my life changed.

The last thing I heard before I blacked out was the sound of footsteps and Sasuke screaming in a panicked voice, "Somebody call a doctor. Call 1-1-9! Anything! Naruto hang in there!"

I was hit by a car.

What's going on with my life...?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> The normal update time for Sadistic Love~ :)  
> Sorry for such a short and dramatic chapter, but I wrote Sadistic Love (and its sequel "Catatonic Love") a few years ago. So it's all choppy. I'm doing my best to read over and revise them, but not much I can do.  
> Thank you for reading!
> 
> -Nova


	12. Rebirth

**BEEP. BEEP. BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP.**  
  
"We're losing him! Start defibrillation! Nurse, I need more blood for transfusion! He needs immediate surgery!"  
  
How funny. The funny thing about life is, you never know what'll happen. One day you could be happy and healthy, the next you could be six feet under.  
To those of you wondering... my name is Uzumaki Naruto... and no, I'm not dead. At least, not yet.  
Right now, I'm in the existential void of my mind as I lie comatose in a hospital.  
I had been hit by a car while crossing the street.  
I hope I wake up soon...  
  
_Four months later..._  
  
I stir somewhat, my eyes gently fluttering as they try to adjust to brightness from being kept in darkness for so long. I have tubes coming out of me every which way and I'm in a lot of pain. I move my arm but realized there's too much covering my entire body to really do anything.  
I have an IV drip with water (and probably morphine) in one arm, I have a blood transfusion going on in the other arm. I'm intubated to keep saliva from choking me and I have a nasal cannula to help with respiration.  
I hear the soft "beep, beep, beep" of my heart rate.  
I'm alive.  
How did I survive?  
I hear the door open and a nurse walks in. She gasps and drops her clipboard. She then shakes the person sleeping in my guest bed awake. I expected to see Kurama wake up in that bed.  
But that's not who I saw.  
A tuft of black hair pokes up as a certain onyx-eyed male sits up and looks at the nurse. She tells him something that I'm too disoriented to hear and he immediately stands up and walks over to me.  
My eyes widen when I finally see who it is.  
"Naruto. You're actually awake!" He looks so close to tears. The nurse picks up her clipboard and takes my vitals.   
"Sasuke, what are you doing here?" My voice is hoarse and dry from lack of use.  
"What am I... I was worried! I thought that at any moment they were gonna pronounce you brain dead... you got hurt pretty bad by that car. Kurama handled the legal issues since you were incapacitated. That person is serving life in prison and his insurance is gonna pay for the hospital bill," Sasuke rambles, obviously in a state of mental disarray.  
"Sasuke... calm down. I'm obviously doing better. How long was I out?" I mumble, voice not at full strength yet.   
He hesitates, then answers, "Four months."  
"Really? That long? There goes a year of college," I sigh as my eyes widen a bit.  
"Yeah and this young man was in here every day and often slept on the guest bed when he could," the nurse smiles. "I'll go get the doctor." She heads out the door and I look at him.  
"You really were by my side every day?" I ask, surprised.  
"Yeah. I stayed every day from the moment I could to the moment I had to leave. I slept on the guest bed every weekend when guests were allowed to stay the night.... I was so terrified. I watched you get hit and couldn't do anything about it... and I thought to myself, 'I wish it were me'. If I were to have lost you, I would rather it be of your dislike for me so that way at least you would be alive... and I-"  
"Sasuke, you're rambling. It's so unlike you..."  
He stops and looks down, visibly shaking. "I held you in my arms and tried to stop the bleeding until help arrived..." He seems to be holding back tears. "I couldn't do anything."  
"Shut up. You did everything. I heard you before I passed out. You had people call 1-1-9 for me. And you even said you tried to stop the bleeding. You did enough."  
He starts to sob.  
"Let's not talk about this right now. What about Kiba and Kurama?" They have to know.  
"Kurama stopped by when he could, but with his job it was hard to make time, but he did. Karin came with. Kiba was here about as often as I was, but I stayed the nights on the weekends," Sasuke nods.  
"That's four months. What about your job or schooling?" I ask.  
"I take online college courses. As you know, I'm not a people person... so I did most of my work here at the hospital and I still live with my parents so I don't have a job currently," Sasuke explains and I nod.  
"Why...? Why would you sacrifice so much for me?" I ask, looking at him.  
"Because I love you, idiot! God... you're so dense sometimes. I... I wanna be with you. Forever. I'll be good to you, I promise... just don't die on me," Sasuke starts crying again and he's holding my hand gently as he kneels by my bedside on both knees. He's broken up about this. “You sacrificed a lot for me, I can do this much at the least…”  
"Then why'd it take you three, almost four, years to tell me that you cared?" I'm crying by this point as well.  
Sasuke sniffs and looks up at me. "I had some emotional and mental growing up to do. What I put you through matured you years beyond me while I remained this immature brat. I needed to become better for you... so I thought it best that I didn't contact you until I could be a mature person for you. I grew up without any hardships. My life was perfect so I thought I could get what I wanted with force... you... you know hardship. Your parents died when you were young and you were raised by your brother who works too much to support you. You eventually had to help with that support by getting a job. You were openly gay and ridiculed for it, but you still stood your ground. You matured because of the crap life through at you. I stayed a child because everything was handed to me on a silver platter... I wanted to know hardship. So I left home for a few years. I lived in America, on my own... it was Hell on Earth over there. But... it made me a more mature person... and I realize, I can't toy with your emotions. And I'm not. I truly wanna be with you. Those three years in America... I longed to see you again, but everywhere I went, I encountered a new struggle. I've been mugged, stabbed, shot, beaten up, molested, and yes, even raped... I wasn't going for that. I was going to observe, but instead I experienced... I never wanted any of that to happen, but it did... that's when I realized you went through Hell with me. And I can't take that back. I'm so sorry."  
I listen and give a small smile. He's so sincere. I can feel it. He's not lying. "It's okay... Maybe... we can start over. Start new. Once I get out of here, maybe we can go see a movie or something..."  
Sasuke gasps and looks at me with wide, pleading eyes. "You mean that?"  
"Yeah..."  
I know it's bold.... but I don't think I'm going to regret it this time. I have this feeling... like he's actually going to take really good care of me.  
I hope I'm right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Only one more chapter until the end of Sadistic Love! Don't worry; it has a sequel. I will however take a few weeks off so you guys can digest the ending of Sadistic Love. I'll tell you the name of the sequel in the next chapter.  
> Thanks for reading!
> 
> -Nova


	13. The End of the Beginning

_2 Years Later_

So much time has gone by and so much has happened. But I'm finally content with my life. Sasuke and I finally found a happy place. Sasuke and I agreed on a sexual frustration outlet of him: controlled BDSM. We have a safe word and both Kurama and Kiba are to be notified before and after we do it. The limit is an hour and a half. If I don't call either of them back within that time limit, they're calling the cops.

Sasuke grumbled about the restraints but I warned him that it was because of his past abusiveness and he eventually agreed that it'd probably be for the best. He didn't want to be the Sasuke of the past and I'm glad he's made this commitment to not only me, but to himself. It's something I've always loved about him. Even in the past, when he was committed, he saw it through. The problem with us was that he wasn't committed to being a boyfriend, though he was committed to being with me. He had always loved me but never knew how to display it.

To be honest, agreeing to the BDSM was a scary thought and it took a lot of time and consideration before I thought to go ahead with it. But I was trusting Sasuke once more. Everyone deserves a second chance, in my book. As long as they show they are worthy of it.

After two years, we no longer have the need to call Kiba and Kurama anymore because Sasuke no longer feels the sexual frustration. So our BDSM stage is finally over and done with and we've began having normal sex.

I'm happy.

I truly am. I never thought that my life would be this happy. To be honest, I always wanted to end up with Sasuke, but I couldn't do it with him being so abusive. I'm glad, so glad, that he's made this better change of himself. He's finally accepted and learned how to love me for me and he's so much better. He's loving and compassionate and he smiles more than he smirks now. I melt when he smiles, it's beautiful and radiant and makes me smile because I can see how genuine it is.

Our life together is only the beginning.

"Oi. Naruto. Kiba finally popped the question," Sauske states as he enters the room with a few letters and a wedding invitation.

"So Hinata and Kiba are tying the knot. Finally! Geez. That boy is so hard-headed. I bet you anything Neji drilled it into his head after his own marriage to TenTen," I reply as I look up from the book I'm reading. I'm in a very cozy position on the couch.

"So of all our friends, who's married and who's not?" Sasuke was genuinely curious. And yes, my friends had become his friend and his friends... had started to become mine. Gaara and Suigetsu apologized for that... time... in the bathroom, I brushed it off because I didn't wanna think about it.

"Let's see... the married couples are... Ino and Sakura, TenTen and Neji, and... Kakashi and Iruka. Kankuro and Rock Lee are still single, Gaara's not looking, Suigetsu and my cousin, Karin, are starting their relationship, my brother's finally looking, Hinata and Kiba are about to get married-" I start to spout off.

"Itachi and Kisame tied the knot a few nights ago at a court. And my cousin Obito is engaged to Rin, finally," Sasuke added in.

"That about does it," I nod as I go over everyone.

"Teyuya and Orochimaru are married again right?"

I snicker. "Those two... on and off marriage is whack."

"Then there's us," Sasuke states and looks at me.

I blush and look away. "What about us?"

Sasuke creeps over to me and places a bookmark in my book before placing it aside. He doesn't say a word, just smiles and brushes the hair out of my face. He removes my reading glasses (I'm far-sighted) and looks deep into my eyes.

"Naruto. You have the most beautiful, naturally blue eyes I've seen," Sasuke smiles, then smirks and kisses me fully on the lips before I have a chance to reply.

My knees feel like jelly and I'm glad I'm not standing. I kiss him back as my heart rapidly beats in my chest, sending me into palpitations. My hearts not weak but I've recently found that I have heart arrhythmia, which is potentially life-threatening, but not currently. They said when I get older, I'll have to get a pacemaker, but not now.

I kiss back, face heating up as I wrap my arms around the raven-haired man that was kissing me. He snakes an arm around my back to pull me closer, thus deepening our kiss.

He pulls back and kisses my forehead before standing up. "You want Ramen for lunch right?"

"Of course!" I smile, beaming as he mentions Ramen. It's still my favorite food, even after all these years. I pick up my book again and read after putting my reading glasses back on.

It's about 10 minutes later, Sasuke comes out with two bowls of ramen: one decorated with beef and fish cakes, the other decorated with tomatoes and small onigiri.

"Thank you for the meal!" I smile and open my chopsticks, before I take a bite I notice something not very edible on top of my Ramen. I blink, pick it up, and blush profusely. It's a 24-karat gold ring with an orange tourmaline cut into the shape of a Marigold with two ruby gems on either side and a diamond on the ends. It had engraved designs on it and on the inside it said "forever". To be honest, I started getting blurry-eyed. I put it on my finger. It was the right fit.

"S-Sasuke?"

"Naruto." He smiles at me and gets down on one knee. "We've been through so much together and I loved you then and I love you now. I want to be with you forever. So will you marry me?"

You can imagine the answer I gave.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry this is a little late, I've been working not stop since yesterday night. God I'm tired.  
> But this is the last chapter of Sadistic Love.  
> THERE IS A SEQUEL!!! I'll start posting the sequel at the beginning of the new year mainly because many of us, myself included are bogged down with holiday tasks. (I work in retail, so.... yeah...)  
> But the sequel will be posted either January 1st or sometime during the first week of January. It will be called "Catatonic Love"; so be on the look out.
> 
> TL;DR - FIRST WEEK OF JANUARY BE ON THE LOOK OUT FOR THE "CATATONIC LOVE", THE SEQUEL TO THIS SERIES (SADISTIC LOVE).
> 
> -Nova

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you so much for taking the time of reading this story. There is a sequel in this series called "Catatonic Love" coming out the first week of January. Be on the look out!


End file.
